Trying to make a difficult journey a little lighter
Emily Webb knew the road to motherhood wouldn’t be simple.
At 36, the registered nurse and lactation consultant had already spent months navigating the emotional and logistical hurdles of in vitro fertilization. The process can feel clinical and lonely, she says — full of appointments, injections, and long drives to distant clinics.
So when it came time to choose a sperm donor, Webb decided to do something unexpected. She threw herself a party.
Choosing motherhood on her own timeline
Webb began seriously considering IVF as she approached 35. Living in a small town, she had dated but never found a relationship that felt right. At the same time, she felt increasingly aware of her biological timeline.
Rather than wait indefinitely for a partner, she made the decision to pursue motherhood on her own. For Webb, it wasn’t about abandoning the idea of a future relationship. It was about making sure the chance to become a parent didn’t slip away while she waited.
The demanding reality of IVF
The fertility process has required considerable commitment. Because Webb doesn’t have a fertility clinic nearby, even routine steps have meant long drives and careful scheduling.
For weeks, she traveled about 90 minutes every other day for blood tests, plus additional trips for ultrasound scans — all early in the morning before work. When it came time for the egg retrieval procedure, she drove seven hours to the clinic.
The effort paid off: doctors were able to retrieve and freeze 15 eggs when she was 35.
For now, she’s waiting for insurance issues to be sorted before the next phase, when some of those eggs will be fertilized using donor sperm and potentially transferred as embryos.
A very unusual party
The donor selection process, however, didn’t happen in a quiet office.
Instead, Webb invited about 20 friends and family members to what she jokingly called a “sperm donor shower.” The gathering was part celebration, part brainstorming session.
Guests reviewed donor profiles in what Webb described as a “donor draft,” examining detailed information provided by sperm banks. Profiles included health histories, family backgrounds, education records, letters written by donors, and even voice recordings.
She created a slideshow presentation with music cues for each candidate, turning the process into a surprisingly lively group activity.
Guests filled out scorecards and debated the merits of different donors before narrowing the field.
Cake, scorecards — and serious decisions
Despite the playful theme, the group took the decision seriously.
Friends returned to certain profiles multiple times, carefully weighing factors such as medical history, personality descriptions, and family background. There were lighter moments, too.
A friend’s mother arrived with a themed cake, and Webb set up a “nacho daddy” snack bar to keep the mood relaxed. The evening had the feel of a cross between a baby shower and a bachelorette party. By the end of the night, the group had collectively narrowed the options down to two or three strong candidates.
Webb ultimately prioritized qualities she felt might shape a future child’s life: strong health histories, education, family relationships, personality traits, and even blood type compatibility.
Why the story resonates
More people are exploring single parenthood through fertility treatment, a path that can be both empowering and emotionally complex. IVF often involves months of planning, significant financial costs, and frequent medical appointments — all of which can take a toll. For Webb, involving her community helped transform one small piece of the process into something joyful.
Instead of facing the decision alone, she invited the people closest to her into the moment.
Looking ahead
The next steps in Webb’s journey will take place in a clinic rather than a living room full of friends.
But the party gave her something valuable along the way: a reminder that even deeply personal decisions don’t have to be made in isolation. Sometimes, a little humor — and a lot of support — can make a difficult road feel less daunting.
